Writer's Block

I was an English major in college. I probably wrote two papers per week. Despite this, I have been hemming and hawing for FOUR DAYS over a teeny little paper about international pies. Why on earth would I do such a thing?

I have some ideas:

• Newsflash: Pies are American. Other countries eat tarts. Apparently tarts do not count as pies. Library scavenger hunt ensues.
• The paper is half research, half short story. The writing is of a similar caliber and cheesy-ness level as my high school entrance essay, which began with this sentence: "I am a winter fanatic" and continued to discuss the wonderment and intricacies of snowflakes.
• MLA guidelines make me want to barf. Somehow I thought I'd graduated from the MLA phase of life.
• Part of our paper grade is drawing pictures of the pies we described. Um. Yeah, about that... I'm thinking of getting a sixth grade intern (unpaid, obviously) to take over my colored penciling for me.

With that, I'm off to get my creative juices flowing. Au revoir!